Do I really need this (other) rock?
You may remember the rock that inspired this blog in the first place. I’ve found another one. This time, in my car.
I know.
Please note that this rock is much cooler than the first rock, because it has fancy erosion holes and various sea item bits embedded in it.
Do I really need this universal remote from the beginning of time?
Its official name is INTEGRATED REMOTE COMMANDER, which clearly should only be said in a robot voice. I wanted to turn the display on for the photo so you could admire the vast array of controls available in all their glory, but I didn’t have the 6 AA batteries required to power this behemoth. Please note this device will control not one but three VCRs, and is hefty enough to function as a hand weight if you want to do some curls while watching that VHS tape of 16 Candles.
Do I really need this box of Frosted KrustyO’s?
There was a promotion for The Simpsons movie in 2007 that involved turning a handful of 7-11 stores around the US into Kwik-E-Marts for a limited amount of time. One of these locations was down the street from work, so my coworker grabbed her camera and we headed over to check it out. We ate pink donuts with sprinkles, she purchased this box of KrustyO’s cereal, and it’s been sitting in her office gathering dust for the last three years.
Until a few weeks ago, when she quit. And now the box is gathering dust in my office.
Do I really need this talking Donald Trump doll?
He’s been through quite a bit with me over the years. He often counseled my old cats with his sage business advice. I Foodsaved him once to keep him fresh.
If you press his back he’ll say one of about twelve classic nuggets of wisdom including “Always enjoy what you’re doing”, “Stay focused”, “Think big and live large”, and “I’ve made some mistakes in my time but you’ve really screwed up. When confronted with your mistakes you made one excuse after another. I hate excuses. You’re fired.”
He’s fun to take to meetings.
Do I really need this 12 inch squirrel made from wheat and flax and pine cones and bark and other generally nature-themed things glued over a styrofoam base?
He may have been pilfered from an enormous Christmas tree in a pretentious hotel lobby where the tree was decorated with all “natural” items — wheat squirrels, giant globes of moss, tangles of berries, pine cones the size of a human head, etc. It was actually quite lovely.
But we were actually quite tipsy.
Now he must live up on a high shelf because every time the cats get a glimpse of him they completely lose their minds and try to eat his flax off.
Do I really need this tin full of sealing wax and seals?
Back in ye olden times (also known as the early ’80s) when “writing a letter” didn’t sound completely insane, I thought sealing wax was about the coolest thing ever. Even then it was difficult to find, but as a young teen I scoured the local stores for supplies and stamped my envelopes with a super groovy owl or snail or a “D” for my last name. It’s been in this Fung Wong Rolls tin for about 25 years.
Do I really need this Easter Island Statue Head tissue box cover?
Oh majestic face
Tissues from another’s nose
Unsanitary.
Do I really need this tiny Hello Kitty charm?
This came from a vending machine in a bubble tea shop. I live by the credo that drinks should not be chewy, so the fact that I was actually in a bubble tea shop at a given point in time may have imbued this item with some sort of historical significance.
Do I really need this winged cat-witch from Halloween 2007?
This was a gift from my mother, who thoroughly enjoys the holiday specific decorative item. The open mouth seems to be calling out “I am folksy and whimsical!” or “I will spring to life and chew your face off in your sleep”.
Do I really need this small decorative pin with a picture of Vladimir Lenin?
Sure, from where you sit this seems like an easy one to pitch, but talk to me when you’re opening the invitation to yet another Celebrity Revolutionaries Through the Ages party and your Spartacus outfit still has that salsa stain on it. I just think it’s smart to have a backup.
